Fear of Fourth Place Blues by Parnell Hall

THE SUNDAY MORNING, 7TH PUZZLE, FEAR OF 4TH PLACE BLUES

by Parnell Hall

Sunday morning, seventh puzzle
The big clock is ticking down
I'm sitting at the table
My brow creased in a frown
I could make the finals
Be a person of renown
What the hell is 14 down?

This is the type of puzzle
That makes me wanna kill
I swear someone created it
By hitting Autofill
I feel like a moron
A fool and a clown
What the hell is 14 down?

It's the same people every year
It really gets my goat
Trip Payne's a two time winner
Hell, he looks too young to vote
Hey, Trip, don't you think it's time
To spread the wealth around?
What the hell is 14 down

Half of the contestants
Are already on their breaks
I can hear Jon Delfin out there
Playing the piano, for Christ's sakes
I don't want to be sitting here
When the collectors come around
What the hell is 14 down?

Never have I ever solved
A puzzle quite so slow
The Ice Man's already cometh
And I'm Waiting for Godot
Does Doug really need another
Jewel in his crown?
What the hell is 14 down?

I'd sell my soul to the devil
If I thought it would do any good
If there were any way to contact him
Believe me, I would
But that avenue's no longer open
To me, I fear
Hell must have frozen over
Ellen Ripstein won last year

Looks like I'll have to wait once more
Till next year rolls around
What the hell is 14 down?